2010

It’s been a while since I’ve posted… I know… shocking. December was quite the busy month. I don’t think it hit me that summer was over until I was decorating for Christmas. All through the fall, at least once or twice a week I thought that “just a couple weeks ago” was August. Thanksgiving would have welcomed me to the winter, but that week was a blur in our house. I got sick with the flu, probably swine although I wasn’t tested. Then the kids got it as well. I definitely would NOT have survived without the help from my awesome family! I don’t think I’ve ever been that sick in my whole life. And having to take care of kids was almost impossible. I’m so thankful we didn’t share the germs with my parents and siblings. Anyway, I am now realizing summer has been over for quite a while, but am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my tulips and daffodils that I planted bulbs for!

Christmas was a very special holiday for us this year. My kids are at a whole new level of awareness, and it is so exciting! For weeks they talked about Jesus’ birthday, and making a cake to celebrate His birthday. We went and saw a live Nativity scene, with real animals, and they loved it! For the first year Tyrell and Terrence were interested in, and participated in opening presents that were given to them. It was so much fun!! We had a great time at my parents house, and we all spent Christmas Eve night over there. Along with Charity and John, and Josiah. One big slumber party. I think this is one of our funnest Christmases so far.

Right after Christmas, the next day actually, Mom and Dad and Michelle moved to a rental house just one block over from us!! They were pretty close before, only a few minutes car drive. But with living up on the hill, we couldn’t easily walk over. Now we can! It just takes a few minutes, and the kids love going to Grammie and Grandpa’s new house.

Now we are settling back into the routine of things. Tyrell was back to school last week, just for 1 day, and this will be his first full week after Christmas break. It was only 1 year ago we received their autism diagnosis, and so much has changed since then! We are still loving our Son-rise program. One of my goals for this week is to work on fliers for recruiting volunteers. We have seen the positive changes that happen when the boys are in the playroom more, and so I’m wanting to get a bigger team of volunteers to they can spend as much time as possible in there.

In case anyone noticed and was wondering…. we have a new theme here at our blog. From the Inside Out. First of all for my boys. Autism has been described as a child being in their “own world” or in a fog. They’re there inside, and aren’t quite sure how to get out. I have learned amazing tools to reach them, connect with them and draw them out of their worlds. So I thought this was a very fitting title for this journey we are on.

But that theme is also for myself. I have decided to open up about a personal journey I am on. My friend Kim, who is so brave, has recently started a weight loss journey, and is blogging about it  here. She inspired me to be more brave, and open myself up too.

I have struggled with weight issues for a long time. At the end of high school I became a lot more active, and conscious of what I was eating, and was feeling really good about myself. I then got a job at a credit union where there was always food around, and was dealing with a lot of stress in my personal life, so I turned to food. For every emotion I felt, I turned to food. I didn’t like the choices I was making, or the person I was becoming, so I was hiding myself, literally and figuratively behind my weight. It became my excuse for everything. “Oh I can’t do that…” “Fat girls don’t do that…” I stopped living and enjoying life the way I could have been.

After having the boys I had gained even more weight. I didn’t realize how much it had gotten in the way until they were becoming more mobile, and it was hard to keep up with them. After Adisyn was born, my sister got engaged, and was planning a wedding for later that year. I decided I needed to make a change, so I joined my friends in following the Weight Watchers plan. Over the next few months I lost 30lbs and was feeling really good. I hadn’t been down to that weight since before I had the boys. Then over the next 6 months or so, the weight crept back on, and I gained back 23lbs of that. Again, I was dealing with a lot of emotional stress and so I once again turned to food. That was my way of coping. The next year the same thing happened. I committed myself to going to the gym, and eating right, and lost 31lbs. This time I got down to a weight that I hadn’t been at since 2000, when I passed it as I was gaining weight. Welp, you guessed it, that didn’t last, and over the next few months the pounds came back on. Once again I turned to food for my coping mechanism for dealing with stress and emotional hurts.

Most of you know, I got a divorce this last summer. For the first time in years I have been able to look past the weight, and see the real issues that needed fixing. For the past 6 months or so, I feel like I have grown and God has healed so much of my heart. I am finally feeling emotionally healthy. For the first time in my adult life. You know how you grow up, and go from a teenager, and through the stage where you “find yourself” as an adult? I feel like I’m finally figuring that out. I was married at 18, and I made my identity as a wife. Once I had kids, I was a mom. I’m now realizing that although I am a mom, I am also Kacy, and it’s been fun discovering “who I am” and the woman God has intended for me to be.

I feel that, over the past decade or so, there have been so many things that I have wanted to do, but haven’t. I would use my weight as an excuse to not even try. I was embarrassed by my weight, so I would just skip out on doing lots of things for fear of failing because I wasn’t physically able to do something. Two years ago my sisters both participated in the Eugene 1/2 Marathon. I remember going to that, and thinking that I wanted to run that also. Of course in my mind, I thought I’d never be able to do that until I got a lot thinner, because fat girls don’t run. The next years marathon came and went, and my desire to run it was being buried under my self doubts.

After watching the last couple seasons of The Biggest Loser, a lot of contestants have run the 1/2 marathon, and a full marathon. So a few weeks ago, I decided that this May, I am going to run the Eugene 1/2 Marathon! Once I decided, I asked my friend Stacy if she wanted to run it with me. In the past, we had talked about it before. But I was still so scared. I didn’t mention it to hardly anyone else, just a couple close friends. I didn’t say anything, cause then I was really committed. Then I would have to follow through. I would have to find the belief in myself that I can do it. I can change. Two nights ago, after reading Kim’s blog, I decided I’d “go public” with this journey on my blog as well. There’s no going back now. I’m sure I’ll post all kinds of boring updates, like how far I’ve ran, etc. Especially since the farthest I’ve ran so far is 1.5mi…..

So, thanks to runnersworld.com, I have a beginners running training guide that I am following. In addition to doing strength training and other cardio workouts on the off running days. After those 8 weeks, which is 7 now, cause I did the first week, I will follow their 1/2 marathon training. I’m really nervous, but incredibly excited to actually accomplish a huge goal that I’ve set for myself. And put to rest a lot of self-doubts that I’ve had. I am also following weight watchers to keep track of my eating, so I’m hoping to loose a lot of weight in the process. I’m not nearly as brave as my friend Kim who posted pictures and her weight on her blog. But I will say that my goal is to loose 78lbs. I’m not putting a time limit on that, but I hope to keep it off once and for all.

So how does this tie in with our theme, From the Inside Out? Well, it’s a journey of one momma who wants to become the confident, happy, God-fearing, self-loving woman God has intended her to be, who is doing everything she can to bring her precious boys out from their autistic world. My favorite song right now is by Kutless, and at the beginning of the second verse it says ” It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard. Impossible is not a word. It’s just a reason for someone not to try.” I have said over and over, for many different things, that something would be impossible for me to do. And I’d say that without even giving it a try. Many people believe that it is impossible for kids with Autism to recover, so they don’t try. Impossible is no longer a word in my vocabulary!

I can’t wait to see the relationship that will continue to grow between Adisyn and her brothers. I’m excited to be a physically and emotionally healthy role model for all 3 of my sweet kiddos. God has really carried us through everything this last year, and I know He will continue to do so. I’m thankful He brought the Son-rise program to us, and I know He is the ultimate healer. For my boys and for me.

Kutless – What Faith Can Do
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

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