almost 5?

My baby turns 5 in less than two months. Five?? Really? It seems like just yesterday the boys were babies, and yet they will be 7years old this summer. And my baby will be 5. Just seems so grown up. So final that there are no more baby, toddler or even preschoolers left in our house. Come next fall, all the kids will be in elementary school. Crazy.

Tonight after we read a couple books, I was holding Adisyn and telling her how I used to hold her all the time when she was a baby. Then she would get older and start to play more on her own, but I still always loved holding and cuddling her. Even now, when I go to cuddle my “baby” and all the sudden she is all grown up, barely fitting in my arms, I still love holding her. I said “Adisyn, you have to stop growing up now. You are mama’s baby, and I want you to stay this way.” She said, “No mommy! First I’ll be 5 then 6 and 7 and 8 and 9 and 10!” I said “Well, ok. But will you still be my baby?” She said she would be. I went to tuck her in, kissed her and said “Ok, no more growing up.” She said “Don’t worry mommy, you’ll still always be my baby.”

My kids are just so sweet. All 3 of my babies. I am just so blessed. I wish I could go back and relive every moment, just soaking in every stage, because it goes incredibly fast.

So I thank God for precious, precious memories like these, they keep me going through the frustrations of single parenting, the back-talk and bad attitudes I already get, and remind me of the awesome task I have at growing my children into kind, compassionate, determined, Christ-following, hard-working, loving people. A daunting task, for sure. But with God’s strength and grace, I know we’ll make it. And it will be worth every moment.

Quite a while…

Whoa, it really has been forever since I’ve posted…. It’s funny because I have started so many posts in my head, and never got around to writing them. Then I wanted to catch up on all the big events, and didn’t get past the boys’ birthday post. I will get that posted, even though it’s over 6 months late

The kids and I have been keeping quite busy. This fall Adisyn started preschool at Springfield Christian Preschool. She LOVES school, has an amazing teacher, and some very sweet friends. She is learning all her letters and numbers, she can write her name and many other words. Her favorite things to do are art/craft projects, playing with her My Little Ponies, reading, playing with her brothers and playing tea party. She has quite the imagination, and I love watching her play when she doesn’t realize I can see, or am listening to her. I can’t believe she will soon be 5 years old.

Tyrell and Terrence started kindergarten at Ridgeview Elementary this past fall. I had debated on whether I was going to homeschool them or send them to public school. Some situations can be so overwhelming that they just withdraw, and I was not sure how they would do in their classroom. They have been doing AMAZING!  They love school so much and are so excited to go every day. They love to learn! They both are learning to read, doing their math worksheets, and their vocabulary is constantly growing. Like Adisyn, they love to read. They love being read to, but they will also just sit and look/read books on their own. They know all of their letter sounds by site, and are learning how to string the word sounds together.

At the beginning of the year, both Tyrell and Terrence were behind in their fine motor skills. They would not hold a pencil correctly, and when cutting with scissors they would just make snips, and not know hold to move their hand along the paper as they went. They are now cutting like pros, and they have great handwriting. I just love seeing them sitting at the table doing their homework papers, and working on projects.

Just before Christmas, the boys had a little singing program at school. All of the kindergarten students were together on the stage while they sang many different songs that they have learned in music class. They have an excellent music program and the teacher works so well with the kids. Adisyn also had a Christmas program at her school. She even had her own line that she said, no shyness there!

I also went back to school last fall. I just have a few more classes until I apply for the nursing program next fall. It has been fun being back in school, but an adjustment as well. I have to be sure I am making time for studying. But I know it will be worth it. I’m looking forward to getting on to this next stage of my schooling. I couldn’t do it without the help and support of my family and friends! It makes it a lot easier knowing that the kids can be with my parents or close friends while I am at school or studying.

I will wrap up with a few pics of my sweet kiddos. And hopefully it won’t be another 8 months before I post again.

 

Enjoying the whole 1.5inches of snow we had last week

 

Terrence shows off his awesome cutting

 

Tyrell’s hard at work

 

Tyrell all ready for the National Championship game! My kids are Duck fans already

 

…Future musicians…

 

Enjoying a beautiful day at the park

 

June? Really?? Where’s the sun?

So, once again, it’s taken me FORever to update my blog. I know, it’s torturous for all my faithful blog-followers…. Lol! But really, there has been a lot going on, and a lot I’d like to write about. But then I think about how much I’d have to catch up on, it feels like too much work, so I don’t do anything. Makes sense, no?

So, let’s start with the most exciting event, I ran the Eugene 1/2 Marathon!!! In January I was not a runner/jogger. Many times before I had started a training program and never made it past week 2. This time I actually stuck to my program, and ended up jogging approx. 10-10.5 miles and walking the rest in intervals!

I had SO much fun! There were so many people there, and the atmosphere was very exciting. The weather was perfect, it didn’t rain at all, and it wasn’t too warm. I had some family and friends cheering me on around the 3 mile mark, 6.5 mile mark, 9 mile mark and of course at the finish line. That always gave me an added boost of energy when I’d see them We all finished in Hayward field which was so awesome. We ran in on the northeast side, and finished a half lap on the track. “Running in the footsteps of legends” was the theme. I loved it, and I am excited for the next one I will do on Labor Day weekend! My goal for that one is to jog the entire race. And of course beat my current time of 3hrs 9min. My next run before that will be the Butte to Butte 10k on July 4th. I’m looking forward to that. Now just need to get back on track with my training. (my pictures are unfortunately not uploading now, I will try to get them on soon. Knowing me it will be a month or two.)

Mhh, let’s see, what else has happened? After spring break, I made the decision to move Tyrell to going to school only two days a week. I could tell he was getting overwhelmed, and during his spring break, he seemed to totally relax. A lot of the “challenging behaviors” that come when he gets really over-stimulated had gone away. I considered taking him all the way out of school, but I have seen definite growth in him from being in class. He’s so interested in playing with his friends, and participating in games. So I decided to try going to 2 days a week and see if that made a difference. It definitely did, and even in school his teachers see a big difference. He’s much more relaxed, participates and talks more in class. Tyrell loves “school” work, saying letters and letter sounds, writing, and is starting to read! I am SO proud of him!

Terrence also loves “school” stuff. My Nana is one of our amazing volunteers, and she started keeping a journal about their time together. She bought Tyrell and Terrence both their own journals, and Terrence is so proud of his. He loves to write in it, and show me. His favorite saying these days is “Mommy, watch me! Watch me, Mom!” I love hearing that from him. He’s just such a sweetheart.

Adisyn will be 4 years old on monday…. *sniff, sniff* I can’t believe my baby will be 4. I remember so well the day she was born, and falling in love all over again with that sweet little girl. Before she was born, I remember rocking the boys, my heart completely overflowing with love for them, and wondering how I could love another child as much as I loved them. But as soon as I saw her, I loved her. I remember the doctor said “She’s just a little peanut” And she was, all 6lb 110z of her. She’s an amazing sister to her brothers, and they just adore her. They’ve all been playing this game lately that is just too cute. They are role-playing out a part from a Barney movie…. Two of the kids go and swing on the swings outside, and the 3rd is inside. So the 3rd walks out and says “Hello Everybody!!” Then the 2 on the swings say “Barney!!” and they all run to each other and give a big group hug. It’s the cutest thing! Then they rotate who will play what role, and do it again. Over and over. Too funny.

They are super excited for summer to be here! Me too… I’m SO OVER this rain…. makes me grumpy…. lol. Seriously though, I really miss working in my yard. I have only about half of my garden planted so far. I hope the seeds I plant will have time to grow by the time I get them in. Terrence keeps asking to go in the swimming pool. Such a cutie.

Last week for the first time, I took them hiking. I love to hike. I haven’t gone in forever, unless you count walking up Mountaingate, where my parents used to live. ‘Cause that is a pretty good hike. But that was one thing that just got put to the wayside over the last many years. Anyway, I figured that since my kids love being active, and love being outside, they’d probably do really great going for a hike. So Saturday morning, my cousin Heather and I loaded everyone up and went to Mt. Pisgah. We didn’t go all the way to the top. I think Tyrell could definitely make it, and maybe Adisyn. But Terrence is more into taking his time, and taking in all the sights, flowers and bugs that he could fine. So we did a short loop, probably about 1.5miles, and the kids loved it! It was an awesome day weather wise, no raining. They had so much fun! I can’t wait to take them back.

Then on Memorial day, the kids and I drove up to Salem to meet up with my good friend Stacy. It was her birthday, and so we packed all 7 of us into her truck and drove out to Silver Falls. I had never been there before, but Stacy had many times. I had heard from a lot of people how pretty it is, so I was excited to go. Once again, the kids did amazing! We saw the South Falls, and it was absolutely beautiful! I’m pretty sure it was the first big waterfall the kids got to see up close. The trail went behind it, across the bridge at the bottom, and at the top. I can’t wait to go back without the kidlets so I can do the long hike that takes you past several falls.

Oh! And, more exciting news, that I’m sure all my faithful blog-followers (ok, all 2 of you) already know is, my sister Michelle and Tim are engaged!! He proposed at the beach on memorial day. *singing* “Goin’ to the chapel and they’re…. gonna get ma-a-a-ried!” I’m so excited for them!! They’re thinking next summer for their wedding, and I’m sure the next year is going to be full of fun planning, and go by way too fast.

Well on that note, I’m out of things to say for now.   I’ll try to update sooner than another few months….

(I’m having an issue posting pics, so I’ll try posting them on a separate post)

Finished training week #4

I found a Beginner Runner’s training plan from runnersworld.com, and I have started it many times before now. Probably 6 or 7. I’d get through week 1, which is easy for a former non-runner like me. Run 1 minute, walk 2, 10 times. Then I’d get to week 2 and modify it a bit, run 2 minutes walk 2, and stay on that instead of adding running minutes. Then I’d go a mile, or 1.5miles, and then stop running altogether. Then I’d start over. So I’m very excited to say that I have finished week #4 of the beginning running program. This week I went just over 13miles total, and a little over 10.5 of that was running. Well, more like fast jogging, but you know what I mean. I have found that I prefer to run outside rather than on a treadmill. For me, the time goes by much faster. I’m very, very thankful to my family, especially my mom, who has made herself available to watch my kids so I can be sure to get my workouts in. I have found that music with a good tempo is an absolute must. I need to work on getting more, because right now I just repeat the same 4-5 songs…

Anyway, I have a couple more weeks left on the beginners plan, then I’ll start adding more mileage to get me ready for the 1/2 marathon. Wow… May is sure coming up fast. I keep wishing for summer on one hand, because I’m so excited for warm weather, and working in my yard. But on the other hand, I’m glad it’s still a little ways away, so I can get ready. Oh, and I have lost 6.4lbs so far. I have two friends doing a diet plan where you eat mini meals every 2-3 hours, and a larger dinner. So I have been doing that this last week. I’m still tracking my calories with points, from weight watchers. My mind is just geared more towards that right now. So I distribute my points throughout the day, and make sure I have at least 10 grams of protein at each meal. I really like it! I don’t get hungry between meals, and I think making sure I have enough protein has really helped keep my energy up. On the days I don’t run I have been going to the cardio kickboxing class at my gym, which is so fun. And I add in weights and recently started doing a yoga video. It’s a Biggest Loser one, and Bob, one of the trainers from BL is the instructor, and past contestants are on there. It’s been fun. Adisyn usually does her “oh-ga” workout with me. Sweet girl.

We have been blessed with some wonderful weather this month, and today I finally remembered to take my camera to the park with us. But my kids were way too excited to be outside, and focused on playing to want to pose for many pictures. I did get a few cute ones….

This slide is sooo tall!! Now even Adisyn goes down, and they all went down probably at least 40 times today. They love it!!

Terrence will be crossing the monkey bars soon, I’m sure, he’s so determined. He got to the second one today.

Tyrelly, such a happy boy!! They played non-stop for over 1.5hrs.

I finally got Adisyn to pose for some pictures for me.

The boys had gone down the slide together, then Adi went down, and for about 1/10 of a second they were all sitting in a row, but I wasn’t fast enough with my camera….

This was the closest I got to a group picture.

Hope everyone has a great week!!

2010

It’s been a while since I’ve posted… I know… shocking. December was quite the busy month. I don’t think it hit me that summer was over until I was decorating for Christmas. All through the fall, at least once or twice a week I thought that “just a couple weeks ago” was August. Thanksgiving would have welcomed me to the winter, but that week was a blur in our house. I got sick with the flu, probably swine although I wasn’t tested. Then the kids got it as well. I definitely would NOT have survived without the help from my awesome family! I don’t think I’ve ever been that sick in my whole life. And having to take care of kids was almost impossible. I’m so thankful we didn’t share the germs with my parents and siblings. Anyway, I am now realizing summer has been over for quite a while, but am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my tulips and daffodils that I planted bulbs for!

Christmas was a very special holiday for us this year. My kids are at a whole new level of awareness, and it is so exciting! For weeks they talked about Jesus’ birthday, and making a cake to celebrate His birthday. We went and saw a live Nativity scene, with real animals, and they loved it! For the first year Tyrell and Terrence were interested in, and participated in opening presents that were given to them. It was so much fun!! We had a great time at my parents house, and we all spent Christmas Eve night over there. Along with Charity and John, and Josiah. One big slumber party. I think this is one of our funnest Christmases so far.

Right after Christmas, the next day actually, Mom and Dad and Michelle moved to a rental house just one block over from us!! They were pretty close before, only a few minutes car drive. But with living up on the hill, we couldn’t easily walk over. Now we can! It just takes a few minutes, and the kids love going to Grammie and Grandpa’s new house.

Now we are settling back into the routine of things. Tyrell was back to school last week, just for 1 day, and this will be his first full week after Christmas break. It was only 1 year ago we received their autism diagnosis, and so much has changed since then! We are still loving our Son-rise program. One of my goals for this week is to work on fliers for recruiting volunteers. We have seen the positive changes that happen when the boys are in the playroom more, and so I’m wanting to get a bigger team of volunteers to they can spend as much time as possible in there.

In case anyone noticed and was wondering…. we have a new theme here at our blog. From the Inside Out. First of all for my boys. Autism has been described as a child being in their “own world” or in a fog. They’re there inside, and aren’t quite sure how to get out. I have learned amazing tools to reach them, connect with them and draw them out of their worlds. So I thought this was a very fitting title for this journey we are on.

But that theme is also for myself. I have decided to open up about a personal journey I am on. My friend Kim, who is so brave, has recently started a weight loss journey, and is blogging about it  here. She inspired me to be more brave, and open myself up too.

I have struggled with weight issues for a long time. At the end of high school I became a lot more active, and conscious of what I was eating, and was feeling really good about myself. I then got a job at a credit union where there was always food around, and was dealing with a lot of stress in my personal life, so I turned to food. For every emotion I felt, I turned to food. I didn’t like the choices I was making, or the person I was becoming, so I was hiding myself, literally and figuratively behind my weight. It became my excuse for everything. “Oh I can’t do that…” “Fat girls don’t do that…” I stopped living and enjoying life the way I could have been.

After having the boys I had gained even more weight. I didn’t realize how much it had gotten in the way until they were becoming more mobile, and it was hard to keep up with them. After Adisyn was born, my sister got engaged, and was planning a wedding for later that year. I decided I needed to make a change, so I joined my friends in following the Weight Watchers plan. Over the next few months I lost 30lbs and was feeling really good. I hadn’t been down to that weight since before I had the boys. Then over the next 6 months or so, the weight crept back on, and I gained back 23lbs of that. Again, I was dealing with a lot of emotional stress and so I once again turned to food. That was my way of coping. The next year the same thing happened. I committed myself to going to the gym, and eating right, and lost 31lbs. This time I got down to a weight that I hadn’t been at since 2000, when I passed it as I was gaining weight. Welp, you guessed it, that didn’t last, and over the next few months the pounds came back on. Once again I turned to food for my coping mechanism for dealing with stress and emotional hurts.

Most of you know, I got a divorce this last summer. For the first time in years I have been able to look past the weight, and see the real issues that needed fixing. For the past 6 months or so, I feel like I have grown and God has healed so much of my heart. I am finally feeling emotionally healthy. For the first time in my adult life. You know how you grow up, and go from a teenager, and through the stage where you “find yourself” as an adult? I feel like I’m finally figuring that out. I was married at 18, and I made my identity as a wife. Once I had kids, I was a mom. I’m now realizing that although I am a mom, I am also Kacy, and it’s been fun discovering “who I am” and the woman God has intended for me to be.

I feel that, over the past decade or so, there have been so many things that I have wanted to do, but haven’t. I would use my weight as an excuse to not even try. I was embarrassed by my weight, so I would just skip out on doing lots of things for fear of failing because I wasn’t physically able to do something. Two years ago my sisters both participated in the Eugene 1/2 Marathon. I remember going to that, and thinking that I wanted to run that also. Of course in my mind, I thought I’d never be able to do that until I got a lot thinner, because fat girls don’t run. The next years marathon came and went, and my desire to run it was being buried under my self doubts.

After watching the last couple seasons of The Biggest Loser, a lot of contestants have run the 1/2 marathon, and a full marathon. So a few weeks ago, I decided that this May, I am going to run the Eugene 1/2 Marathon! Once I decided, I asked my friend Stacy if she wanted to run it with me. In the past, we had talked about it before. But I was still so scared. I didn’t mention it to hardly anyone else, just a couple close friends. I didn’t say anything, cause then I was really committed. Then I would have to follow through. I would have to find the belief in myself that I can do it. I can change. Two nights ago, after reading Kim’s blog, I decided I’d “go public” with this journey on my blog as well. There’s no going back now. I’m sure I’ll post all kinds of boring updates, like how far I’ve ran, etc. Especially since the farthest I’ve ran so far is 1.5mi…..

So, thanks to runnersworld.com, I have a beginners running training guide that I am following. In addition to doing strength training and other cardio workouts on the off running days. After those 8 weeks, which is 7 now, cause I did the first week, I will follow their 1/2 marathon training. I’m really nervous, but incredibly excited to actually accomplish a huge goal that I’ve set for myself. And put to rest a lot of self-doubts that I’ve had. I am also following weight watchers to keep track of my eating, so I’m hoping to loose a lot of weight in the process. I’m not nearly as brave as my friend Kim who posted pictures and her weight on her blog. But I will say that my goal is to loose 78lbs. I’m not putting a time limit on that, but I hope to keep it off once and for all.

So how does this tie in with our theme, From the Inside Out? Well, it’s a journey of one momma who wants to become the confident, happy, God-fearing, self-loving woman God has intended her to be, who is doing everything she can to bring her precious boys out from their autistic world. My favorite song right now is by Kutless, and at the beginning of the second verse it says ” It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard. Impossible is not a word. It’s just a reason for someone not to try.” I have said over and over, for many different things, that something would be impossible for me to do. And I’d say that without even giving it a try. Many people believe that it is impossible for kids with Autism to recover, so they don’t try. Impossible is no longer a word in my vocabulary!

I can’t wait to see the relationship that will continue to grow between Adisyn and her brothers. I’m excited to be a physically and emotionally healthy role model for all 3 of my sweet kiddos. God has really carried us through everything this last year, and I know He will continue to do so. I’m thankful He brought the Son-rise program to us, and I know He is the ultimate healer. For my boys and for me.

Kutless – What Faith Can Do
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don’t have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That’s what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Unless….

….you are a parent of a child with autism, you don’t know how helpless you feel when you can’t reach them. You don’t know how it breaks your heart to see them withdraw into their world. How badly you want to help them, understand them and you can’t reach them.

I thank God daily for us finding the Son-rise program. It has been life-changing for my family. My boys have made so much progress. If anyone has any doubt that children with autism can recover, all they need to do is visit my home and see my boys, and hear my stories of where they came from.

Thankfully, we have way fever instances where I feel that helpless feeling. Because of Son-rise, and our playroom, I know how to connect with my sons. At the same time, the instances where they know what they want, and me not being able to either understand them, or for some reason not being able to get what they want, are emotionally harder for me to deal with. Because they know what they want, and they know they are able to communicate to me, but they get frustrated when I don’t understand.

Tonight for instance: we came home, and it was after 8:00, so I told the boys it was time to get ready for bed. Terrence asked for his ABC jammies. Now, it is not an unusual occurrence for them to request what jammies they want to wear. Actually for all of their clothes, they’ve become quite opinionated. However, I have NO IDEA what ABC jammies are. They have Elmo jammies (that are 2 years old, and the pants are like capri’s and the shirt is a belly shirt, but they still love them!), they have fire truck jammies, ball jammies, dinosaur jammies, cars jammies….. But no ABC jammies. Terrence was adamant. He was even so good about using his words. He’d tell me he want his ABC jammies, and I’d tell him he doesn’t have them. So he said “ABC jammies, go find it, in the garage” (that’s where the laundry is). “Go find it in the dresser”. I even had him go and see if he saw what he was thinking about, but he didn’t.

I felt so bad because he knew exactly what he was thinking of, but I just have no idea what he means by ABC jammies. So I found the ball jammies, which are one of his favorites. He didn’t want those. I offered him just a t-shirt to sleep in. He didn’t want that. By this time, he’s in a full meltdown. After about 15 minutes I started feeling sorry for myself. “This is the type of behavior that it seems like I am the only one blessed to be able to experience….”  “It’s not fair….” blah blah blah……

I decided to try to just dress him in his ball jammies. I don’t like forcing him to do things, the whole control issue… but I knew how tired he was, and we weren’t getting anywhere. I was barely able to get him undressed, and there was no way I was going to be able to dress him. So I just put him up on his bed, and tried to tuck him in. Obviously he didn’t like that, and kept crying. So I went on tucking Tyrell in, and went to try to talk to Terrence.

He was sitting on his bed, crying, and when I actually took the time to look at his face, I knew he wasn’t “there”. He had withdrawn into his autistic world. He was doing the best he could to cope. I felt so helpless. Looking into his eyes, I could practically see him in there, lost, just needing a connection. I asked him if he wanted a hug, and he yelled “No!” The thought flashed in my mind that if I needed to, I’d take him to the playroom. We can always connect in there, and I didn’t want him going to bed crying like this. I tried again, saying “Terrence, want mommy holdy you?” That’s the phrase I always use when they’re upset, and they say the same thing when they want to be held. I honestly didn’t think he’d respond, but he held out his arms to me.

I took him and sat on the floor and wrapped a blanket around him. I am grateful, so much, for the Son-rise program, and the tools it has given me to reach my boys. But still, I have those moments of feeling absolutely helpless. With knowing what they can accomplish, and seeing how incredibly far they have come, but still seeing the struggles they have. My heart broke as I sat there rocking my sweet Terrence.

I was telling Terrence how much I loved him and had started to cry over the emotions I felt, when he said “I go to bed”. And I knew I had my Terrence back. That quickly he was able to connect with me again. I asked hesitantly “Do you want your ball jammies?” He said “Sure!” Then got up and asked to go potty.

Before the Son-rise program, my helpless feelings would have quickly been shown as frustration and irritation towards their meltdowns. I didn’t know how else to deal with them. He would have felt my frustration, and my un-acceptance of what was happening, and it would have been a downward spiral from there. Even though tonight I had started feeling sorry for myself, I tried my best to respond calmly and without frustration. I think that is why Terrence was able to connect with me so quickly after that.

I got him into his jammies, tucked in and prayed for, and he went to sleep calmly and happy. I left their room with the thought of this post on my heart, and just had to write it. I am so so so thankful that I have met so many wonderful mommies and daddies with children on the autism spectrum. Who know the gut-wrenching helpless feeling, wanting to help our children, feeling a love for them so strong you can hardly speak. Because there is just something comforting about knowing that other parents can truly know how I feel.  I thank God that He gave me these tools through the Son-rise program so I can reach my boys. It feels like the feeling you’d have when you are stranded in the ocean and someone throws you a life raft.

Farmer Terrence

Me and my sweet Terrence-do

This picture is 2 years old, but still one of my favorites of Terrence.

Before I forget…

There are a lot of things that go on in our daily lives that I want to remember. I often think to myself “Oh how funny/cute/embarrassing, I definitely want to remember that”, then I end up forgetting. And all I can remember was that something happened that I didn’t want to forget. I am going to start blogging them more. Mostly for my sake, to remember. But also to share, since often times they are cute little stories.

So last week all 3 kids woke up very early. 5:50am. It was still completely dark out. They all came parading into my room, ready to go for the day. Usually I can coax them back to bed after going potty, but that wasn’t happening that day. So by the time I was going to take a shower around 7:30, I was wanting some alone time. It is hard for me to not have any time to wake up by myself before the kids start making their demands of breakfast and getting dressed.

I have a bathroom off of my bedroom and I usually don’t lock the door. The kids like to go in and out. That day I locked the door, and Terrence realized it right away. Here’s what happened…

Terrence: *crying, shaking door handle* “I want to come in! I WANT TO COME IN!!”

Mommy: “Terrence, mama’s going to take a shower. Go watch Cars with brother and sissy”

Terrence: *more loud crying, then it stopped*

Mommy: continued brushing my teeth, etc. Then I hear loud slams from a door. It sounds like a heavier door, so I assumed it was the playroom. (We put in a 2-way mirror, so we had to switch to a solid door). The slamming stopped, and nobody was crying, so I ignored it.

Adisyn: “Yea Terrence, there’s the key. There’s the key, Terrence!”

Mommy: *thinking – what is she talking about? What key?*

Terrence: *tinkering around trying to unlock the door*

So my brilliant son realized his mommy was not going to open the door. But he was not going to be discouraged! For he knew there was a key to open the door! He also knew that I keep it on the top of the door jam of the playroom. And from previous experience, he knew that if he slammed the door enough times, the key would fall. And he would have his solution! He was not able to unlock it, as it is a bit tricky. But for all that effort, I opened the door for him to come it. He was smiling so big, and so proud of himself! He is such a funny little guy.

Terrence is also a little sneakster. About a month ago, him and I were in the garage sorting out some things for a garage sale. He had been going in and out of the house. The next thing I know he’s asking for help to open the door. At first I just tell him to keep trying, because he knows how to open it. After a while I go over, and realized he had locked us out! I go to the backyard, and find out the sliding door is also locked, and I knew the front door was locked, since I always lock it when we get home. I asked Terrence if he had locked it, and he gives me this guilty smile. Thankfully, our front windows were open, and so he climbed through, and went to the front door to open it.

And just a couple weeks ago, there was a fight between a “red car”. If you know my boys, you know how they covet their cars. Pretty frequently there is one that they both HAVE TO HAVE. So after a while of breaking up fights over this particular red car, I put it on the top of the fridge, where our toy time-out is. Terrence was in the kitchen crying, and after calmly telling him that he would need to find another toy, I just ignored him. I went about cleaning the house, and I realized he had stopped crying, and it was pretty quiet. Knowing that too quiet doesn’t always mean everyone is behaving, I went to investigate. I see Terrence, sitting up on the kitchen counter, playing with the red car! I was so surprised because I had put it on the outside part of the fridge, opposite from where the counter was. I look on top of the fridge and see a hammer that I had been using, that I put up there so the kids wouldn’t get it. I realized he had used the hammer to drag the car over to where he could reach it.

Every day I am amazed by these little things that are so “typical”, especially for curious little boys. It really shows how much they have grown, especially their curiosity of their world, and desire to explore and figure things out. They came from, first not even realizing there might be things out of their reach that they might want; to knowing something was there, but not realizing they could do something to get it; to now actually seeing an obstical, realizing they can do something about it, and achieving whatever it is they need to do to accomplish it.

Adisyn’s imagination is so funny! She is constantly coming up with random things. Well, first of all, she talks or sings NON-stop! So I can’t imagine all that is going through her mind. The other day she came up to me and informed me she didn’t have a tail. A while before that I was brushing her hair after a bath, and she was talking about what animals we might have one day.

Adisyn: “We might get a kitty like Sunny. Huh, mom?” (Sunflower is my parent’s cat)

Mommy: “Yea we might. And maybe someday we’ll have a dog, if you and brothers decide that you like them” (right now they are a little afraid, but I think it’s mostly due to the fact that they never spend time around dogs”

Adisyn: “Yea, and maybe a hippo too!”

Mommy: *laughing* “Um, well, probably not. But we can see them at the zoo”.

She is such an awesome little teacher for the boys. She really has sparked in them a desire to do more imaginative play. This summer I took out Adisyn’s toy changing table/bath thing for her dolls. Tyrell was wanting to play with her one day. I told him to go inside to get another baby from Adi’s closet. And he did! A year ago, he would have been upset because he wouldn’t realize my instructions would get him what he wanted, so I’d have to go get it for him while he cried and/or tried to take Adisyn’s doll. So he went and got his own, came back out, gave it a bath, wrapped it in a little dish towel, put it to bed on the changing table, and pat its back. Isn’t that so sweet? I’ve never taught him that. I’m sure he’s seen Adisyn do that with her babies, but it wasn’t something I specifically showed him to do.

Another favorite of all of theirs, is going to Walmart. (pretending) They come up and say they’re going to walmart, and I’ll tell them some grocery items, and they’ll go off and get them.

Tonight at bedtime I realized, yet again, how far my boys have come. Tyrell was in bed, asking for “a car”. And since I’m mom, I know they think I should magically know which one they’re wanting. I had picked up the house already tonight, and I had put all the cars away, so I went and got the container from the playroom. Apparently the car he was looking for wasn’t in there. After about 5 minutes or so, I was getting frustrated. Finally he asked for a “red car” and I knew the only red car I could think of, wasn’t in the house since I had just cleaned up everything. I assumed it had gone to Grammie’s house with him that morning. I explained it was at Grammie’s and once again offered the other cars that were there. I told him those were the only cars I had, and he needed to pick one or I’d just take them out, since he needed to go to bed. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he picked one up, and I praised him for being a good sport about finding another one. And then he went to bed, no crying!

For quite a while now, both boys like to go to bed with something. Whether it’s a car, or a book, stuffed animal/baby, some sort of toy…. It doesn’t matter what, it’s just whatever they are particularly attached to at the time. Many, many times we couldn’t figure out, or couldn’t find exactly what it was they wanted. Most often I would get frustrated, because they wouldn’t take anything else, and I couldn’t figure out what it was to calm them down. I would leave them to cry, and finally go to sleep. I always felt so bad when they’d cry themselves to sleep, but I just didn’t know what else to do. Now that they are able to communicate what it is they want, things are so much better! Almost always they are able to tell me what they want. But there are still occasions where I can’t find it, or it’s not at our house, like tonight. Usually I can persuade them to take something else, but it’s after a lot of frustration on my part, and crying from them. Tyrell cried briefly tonight, probably less than 15 seconds, but other than that, we were able to resolve it very calmly. Both boys went to bed with no crying, and happy.

I am so thankful for every step of progress my boys are making. All the work me and the wonderful team of volunteers have put in, is truly paying off. I also am so incredibly thankful for my wonderful family and friends. You guys have been a huge support to me, and I couldn’t be as sane as I am without you.   I know God is giving us the strength to keep moving on, and I am so grateful.

Showing our Duck spirit for the game today!

So much progress

Tonight was another milestone with my sweet kiddos. The four of us took a walk around the block, without a stroller! And without any crying or meltdowns!

Now, this may not seem like a huge deal. After all, they all have been walking a few years. But it is.

When the boys were a little over 1 1/2 we moved into some townhouses that had sidewalks all through the complex, then a little path that ran parallel to the road. Mostly I just took them for walks in the stroller, but I knew they liked to run, and it was good for them to get their energy out. It was a few years ago, and I don’t remember all the details, but I can say with about 95% certainty that every single walk ended in meltdowns, with me trying to carry them back and/or getting them to walk. I was pregnant with Adisyn and couldn’t carry them both easily. At the time, we did not know about their autism. But kids with autism develop routines, and they are very rigid. When they get an idea in their heads, it is hard for them to be flexible. My boys have made tremendous progress in this area, but when they were younger, it was hard to get them to do something other than what they wanted.

On those particular walks, generally, one would want to go one way, and one the other. It resulted in “jello-legs” and me trying to get them to stand up. There was also a LOT of loud crying, and I bet the neighbors we passed thought I was, for sure, torturing them. Because of this, most of our walks happened in the stroller. They seemed much more content to go the direction I wanted to while in the stroller. After we moved to the house we are living in now, for a while, they wanted whoever was taking them for a walk to go a certain way. Generally I went the same route for our walks, so I’m sure that didn’t help with their flexibility. After a while, they got over that, and I could go pretty much any direction and they’d be fine, as long as they were in the stroller.

Last fall I decided to try to take them out walking without the stroller. I took only the boys, since at the time, Adisyn was slower. Now she keeps up just as fast as the brothers. Tyrell could go on forever. We could walk/jog well over a mile, and he was never ready to be home. Terrence would tire out earlier, and would want to go home before Tyrell was ready. That created a conflict. They knew which turns around our house resulted in getting back home, and it was hard to convince Tyrell to go that way.

After several times of taking them out, they got a little better about coming home. I would plan the walk a certain route, that would end us back at our house, without seeming like I was intentionally cutting it short. But there were still some rough times, and times they’d come home crying, or I’d have to carry one, and try to get the other brother to walk. Then I’d wonder if it was even worth taking them out. Now I know, they were probably too over-stimulated, and just couldn’t handle everything that was going on.

So one day my mom offered to take the boys out for a walk. I’m pretty sure it was last fall, and I think it was a no school day, or Adi or I was sick, or something. But I was in desperate need of a break so I could at least take a shower. So Grammie came to the rescue. The past few walks had gone relatively well, and I told my mom the route that seemed to be working, and off they went.

About 20 minutes later, I got a call from my mom, with the boys crying in the background. I felt so bad for her! She was trying to bring them back home, and Tyrell didn’t want to go. Terrence got mad about that, cause we was ready to go home, and it ended in an all out meltdown. They were 4 years old, and very heavy. It was hard carrying one for a long distance, much less 2. And they were not into walking, at all.  It was just down the block from me, so I got Adisyn in the van, and hurried down there, and got everyone loaded up.

Situations like this one make so much more sense now, since I know the reasons behind their behavior. And I try to avoid putting the boys in over-stimulating situations where I know this may happen. As they continue to recover from their autism, they will more and more be able to cope in situations where they couldn’t previously. But since we are trying as hard as we can to draw them out from their autistic world, we want them to spend their energy recovering, not coping in over-stimulating situations.

I have found that with taking just one of the brothers, or one brother and Adisyn, they are better able to cope when we take them out to do something. I think it is because they are so connected, and when the brothers are together, it adds another thing for them to pay attention to. So in these past couple months, during mornings where I am in the playroom with one brother, and my mom is out with Adisyn and the other brother, she has been taking them for short walks, just around the block. And they have been doing awesome! Their favorite thing is to push Adisyn’s little baby strollers. Adi puts a baby in hers, and the boys usually put their cars in, or the naked baby that goes in water.

I have taken them a couple times, and tonight we were wanting to go for a walk. I knew I didn’t want to walk long, since my energy has been low from my surgery. So I asked the kids if they wanted to walk too. Of course they did, and off we went. I asked them to not run too far ahead, cause I wasn’t feeling up to running with them, and they stayed right with me. There were a few times we had to cross the street, and they all knew what to do. We held hands, and looked for cars before we crossed. Before, the boys had no concept of the street being dangerous. Later they would dart out because they knew they weren’t supposed to. Now that they are more aware of the street, and why they can’t just go out, we are able to play more in our front yard, so we have a lot more time to teach them about that. And I would say, probably 95% of the time they do great with not trying to go in the street.

So there we were…. My cute little family taking a stroll around the neighborhood! Such a “typical” thing to do. And moments like these, I never take for granted. I also know that there will be countless more to come.

The kids love to play hop-scotch now. Before there would be no way I could trust them to play out front without running off in 3 different directions. Now they know to stay in the yard and driveway, and on the sidewalk right in front of our house.

I love this picture of Tyrell and Adisyn. Although, I need to mess around with my camera more, and figure out why so many of my pictures are turning out blurry… (it’s the right side of Adisyn jaw line, if you can’t tell since the picture is smaller)….

Aww, Terrence and Adisyn in a rare moment of sibling sweetness.

Tyrell and Terrence with Auntie Charity looking at the ducks at Alton Baker earlier this summer.

Adisyn smelling the yummy rose from the flowers she picked out for me.

My babies turn 5!!!

It is so hard to believe that in a few hours my baby boys will turn 5 years old! Well, actually, they are not babies anymore, they really are growing up so much, and so fast. Five years old just seems like a big kid, and they are.

My pregnancy with the boys was a surprise. I had always wanted to have a baby, we just weren’t necessarily planning for one right then. We were living up in Scappoose, OR, and my sister-in-law was visiting from NJ. On my way back home after taking her to the airport I picked up a pregnancy test. This was not the first time I thought I may be pregnant, but as all the other times, I was expecting it to be negative. Well, it wasn’t, and neither were the next 3 that followed. At the end of the month we were in Eugene and told the news to my family. It was still seeming surreal to me. It was so fun to imagine what it would be like to have a baby, and wonder if it would be a boy or girl, and what we would name him/her.

I started seeing a midwife, and everything was checking out just fine. At my first appointment we couldn’t yet hear the heartbeat, and so at my next appointment which was when I was 12 weeks pregnant, they said they would do an ultrasound if we didn’t hear it. Well, we did, and so we did not have an ultrasound. At my 16 week appointment I was measuring 4 weeks big. I literally thought nothing of it. And wondered if maybe my dates were off. The midwife searched all around listening to the heartbeat. I was wondering why, then she said “Nope, I only hear one heartbeat”. I remember thinking “Well, of course there’s only one”. The thought of twins NEVER entered my mind. I had always thought it would be fun to have twins, but just didn’t think I would since they aren’t in my family.

At my next appointment two weeks later, I was scheduled for my ultrasound. This was the “big” one, where we would get our first glimpse of our baby, and get to find out if we were having a son or daughter. My mom and sister Michelle came up for the event, and the night before we were out shopping. I was so convinced I would have a girl, I almost bought a little dress.

When the ultrasound started, the tech explained that first she would do the measurements, and then she would turn the screen and show us the baby, as well as print some pictures. She said it would take about 20 minutes. Right away after starting the ultrasound she asks us why we were having one. I explained that this was the routine one, and that we wanted to find out the sex of the baby. Only a couple minutes later she turns the screen to us, and I thought “Wow, that was really fast!”. I see two round things on the screen, and, having never seen an ultrasound before, I thought it was the head and belly. She points with the arrow to one circle and said “Here is the head”. And I said “Aww….” Then she points to the other one and says “And here’s another head” and I said “Shut Up!!” (in an excited way…) I think Joseph jumped on his feet at that point, we were both in shock! After showing us that indeed there were 2 babies, Joseph went out and told my mom and Michelle, who had to wait in the waiting room. When he came back in, she took another look and found out they were boys. I couldn’t believe it!! Two boys!?!? It was so much fun calling all of our friends and family. They were all waiting to hear if the baby was a boy or girl, and NOBODY was expecting this news.

It took a while for reality to set in that we would indeed be parents of twins. We decided to move back to Springfield, so that we could be near family, as we knew we would need the support. I saw my OB doctor down here, who referred me to a perinatologist after another ultrasound. They could not tell for sure if there was a membrane separating the boys. Most commonly there is an ultrasound done early on in the pregnancy where it would have clearly shown if each baby had their own amniotic sacs. But since mine was so late in my pregnancy, it was hard to tell. The problem with not having their own sacs was that their cords could tangle with each other. There was a 50% chance of a cord accident. At 29 weeks my perinatologist said he could say with 75% certainty that the boys were in the same amniotic sac. And he recommended that I deliver them by c-section at 32 weeks. Babies born at 32 weeks have a 98% chance that they will be ok. We decided that was the safest option. In the mean time, I went to my OB 3 times a week for a non-stress test, to see if there were any decelerations in their heartrates. Which could indicate a cord tangle. I also had another really cool ultrasound that showed the blood flow from the placenta to the umbilical cords.

I was admitted to the hospital on a monday, two days before their birthday, to receive steroid shots to help develop their lungs. We were able to get a tour of the NICU, and that helped so much. It was hard to imagine how small a 3lb baby is until you see one. It was also nice to get to see the NICU, as I knew we would be spending a lot of time there. I still remember everything about it, even the smell.

I was so scared before going into my c-section. Joseph could be with me, but not until they had my spinal block in. The only surgery I ever had was on my ankle in the 7th grade. But more than the surgery, I was scared of not knowing how my babies would be. We prepared ourselves for the fact that they may not cry right away, or be able to breathe well, and may need to be intubated. Joseph Tyrell Selewiyon was born first on July 28, 2004 at 9:35am, weighing just 3lb 4oz and 16 1/2inches long. He was crying, and I was so happy! I started crying right away, and I remember seeing this tiny baby being passed to a nurse, shown briefly to me, they whisked away. Less than a minute later Terrence Judson Nyundweh was born, at 9:36am weighing just 3lb 6oz and 16 3/4inches long. He also cried, which made me cry more. Joseph went to be with them, which is what I wanted. I then got sick from crying so hard, and don’t really remember the rest of the surgery, except that the babies and Joseph went to the NICU, and they promised I’d have polaroid pictures when I was in recovery. I found out the next day that the boys were indeed, in the same amniotic sac. The odds of that are about 1 in 10,000. Their cords were very knotted and tangled. It was definitely God’s protection that nothing happened, and His timing for them to be born. Other than being small, and needing to grow and develop, they were born healthy.

It was about 2 hours I had to spend in recovery. I had many pictures that I just couldn’t put down. The boys were doing well, both needed breathing support from a c-pap, which pushed a steady flow of air into their lungs so they didn’t have to work so hard. After I left recovery, they wheeled my bed in, and I got to hold both of them! They curled up like little red frogs on my chest, and I just remember thinking, amazed, that they were just in my stomach hours earlier. They were the most beautiful babies I had ever seen!  And sooo tiny…. They had black hair, but not too much. And they still had fuzz on their shoulders. They got overstimulated and stressed pretty easily since they were so early, so I only held them for a while. Later that night I was able to go back, and hardly left them after that.

I was completely in love. I could stare at them for hours. And I did. I was glad that I didn’t have other children at home, or a job I had to be at, so I could spend the whole day with them. It was so hard to leave them every night, but it helped knowing that they needed to be there. They needed to grow and develop more. After 40 days, it was finally time for them to come home! I couldn’t believe the time was finally here, to be “real” parents. We had one night to room-in, where we stayed in a regular hospital room, on our own, with the babies. It was so fun. I felt like I was a kid at a sleep-over. I loved looking at their tiny faces, free from feeding tubes and tape. After bringing them home, I was so happy, and on such an adrenaline high. I just wanted to hold them all the time. And I did. They loved being rocked, and so we rocked for hours. They were such good little babies. In the hospital they were on a pretty routine feeding schedule, so that helped once we got home. The sleep deprivation quickly kicked in, but we managed it. It was fun.

Now that seems like so long ago. The boys were, and still are, very happy kids. I loved watching them discover that they had a little playmate. They were about 5 months old when they started interacting with each other. They have always been best friends. When they were 22 months old, they became big brothers, and have loved Adisyn since she was born. Well, Terrence took about 2 weeks to decide that she was alright, and has been a wonderful big brother since then. Now they are almost 5, and the years all just run together. The boys are still best friends, and wonderful big brothers. Now they all 3 play together so well. It is so cute seeing their interactions. Adisyn loves to boss them around, but now they are learning they can boss her too.

The last 2 years have been monumental for my boys. Two years ago, they had less than 10 words in their vocabulary. Now they are saying 4-5 word sentences consistantly, sometimes up to 8-10 words. Two years ago, their main form of communication was screaming, whining, crying and more screaming. You can’t even imagine the level of stress that was in our house. They had us trained very well to their cries, so we were just reinforcing that should be how you communicate. About 9 months ago, we came to the realization they had Autism. A couple months after that, we had a confirmed diagnosis, and only a few weeks beyond that, we came upon the Son-rise Program, through the Autism Treatment Center of America.

We decided we would attend the Start-up, which is a training for parents to develop and run a home-based recovery program for their child(ren) with Autism. Five short weeks later we were headed for Massachuttes for a trip of a lifetime. That is what it felt like to me, because this program has transformed our lives. It taught us a new perspective on how to help our children, on how to love them and accept them, and believe for a recovery for them.

We came home and got things set up for our program. We have been running it since the middle of March, with the help of our wonderful and dedicated volunteers, who have become a part of our immediate family. It is very exciting to see the changes in our boys, the growth, the light in their eyes, the love for interaction and learning that they have. Their vocabulary has taken off, they talk to each other while they play, they call each other by name, as for things with words first, they ask questions. They include us so much more in their play, and look at us multiple times per minute while interacting. They are so much calmer, and can go with the flow much more easily. They engage in imaginative play, which never happened before. It is simply amazing. I am grateful each day that we found the Son-rise program, and for everyone who so generously helped us financially to go to the training. We believe whole-heartedly that our boys will recover completely from their Autism, and I am so thankful we now have the tools to get us there.

Five years ago, when I first became a mommy, I fell so in love with these two, tiny babies. I couldn’t imagine loving them more. And yet, I do. I love hearing them talk to me, to call me Mommy. I love their smiles and giggles. I love how they think they are still small enough to curl up and both fit on my lap. I love looking down while I’m holding them and seeing two dark heads of curly hair, and remember that was what my first glimpse of them was, that day at my ultrasound. My heart melts when they said “I love you”. I love seeing them playing together, and with their sister. They are such sweet, happy boys. Part of me wants them to stay young always, to be mama’s little boys. But I know they will grow up, and I can’t wait to see what they will become. But to me, they will always be my babies.

Autism, Celiac and Gluten… oh my!

Last fall was when I first hard about the GFCF diet (gluten free, casein free). Before that, I don’t really know that I knew what gluten was. But, I knew I loved bread, and things with wheat. in fact, I always tried to find 100% whole wheat, cause, you know, it’s healthier.

So last fall I hear about how there is this protein in wheat, barley and rye called gluten. And if you have a child with Autism, and take gluten out of their diet, it can help them. And then there was casein, that is in all dairy. I got to thinking about what my boys ate, and pretty much all they ate was crackers, yogurt, chicken nuggests, crackers, cheese, french fries, crackers.. You get the point. They also ate fruits and a few other foods, but literally the majority of their diet included casein and/or gluten.

In children with Autism, their guts cannot process these proteins (gluten and casein). They then get absorbed into their bloodstream, cross the blood/brain barrier, and attach to the same receptor sites as opiates! (heroin). So quite literally, they are high when they eat foods containing those proteins. I did not fully realize the extent of their “addiction” right away. I was a little nervous at the idea of not being able to feed them anything, so that’s why it took a while to implement the diet.

We took the boys off casein in early December. They made that transition pretty well. We noticed an immediate change, within only a couple days, of their behaviour and speech. They were MUCH calmer in situations that would have been very stressful, and their sentences were getting longer. During the time we had snow before Christmas, about 2 weeks after taking casein out, Tyrell pointed out the sliding glass door and said “I see snow outside!” So there was a definite change.

After coming back from the Son-rise Start-Up at the Autism Treatment Center of America, we had a new determination to start the diet. We had the confidence that yes, our children will in fact eat when they are hungry. And we just have to be stronger than them. (At that time, they still ate gluten, and crackers were a HUGE staple in their diet). But with getting the playroom set up, and planning for our program, we still didn’t take them off gluten.

In the mean time, Adisyn had been sick off and on for a while. She was getting mysterious fevers with no other symptoms that would last 4-6 days, about every 6 weeks. We were on the 4th round of that, when her doctor started ordering more testing. We didn’t find anything that time, but he said to come right in the next time it happened. Gradually Adisyn was starting to loose weight, and looked malnourished. She didn’t want to eat much, except toaster waffles, pancakes, yogurt and some fruit. Then she got sick again, so I took her in immediately. Unfortunately, our pediatrition was out of the office for the week, and I did not like the one we saw. She was in the room under 3 minutes, checking only her ears and throat, not listening to my concerns.

By Sunday she was still not looking well at all, so we took her to the after hours clinic. We saw an awesome pediatrician who ordered a bunch of labs, and was talking about Failure to Thrive. Adisyn had lost more weight, and was down to just under 28 lbs. Since we went to the doctor earlier in the week, she lost almost a pound! I was freaking out about the Failure to Thrive, I thought that only happened in infants who didn’t want to eat. I was feeling SO guilty, thinking it was because I was letting her eat pancakes for dinner, and not a whole meal. When we had just sat down in the lab for the blood work, the nurse came in and added a Celiac panel to the orders. I didn’t know what that was, and didn’t think anything of it. The next day we hear from the doctor that everything looked good, blood counts were normal. And her fever was gone.

Then, it’s a week later, and the nurse from our pediatrician’s office called to say that Adisyn tested positive for Celiac, and they were referring us to a Pediatric GI (gastroenterologist) doctor in Portland, since there aren’t any down here that see kids. I was kind of surprised, I didn’t realize there were labs taken that we didn’t already have the results for. I didn’t even think to ask the nurse what Celiac was, until I got off the phone. So, I go in and google “tested positive for celiac” and all this information about Celiac Disease comes up.

Since then I’ve read a bunch, and found out that it is an auto-immune disease, and the trigger is gliadin, which is in gluten. It triggers an auto-immune reaction, resulting in the destruction of the villi on the small intestine. That is where all of your nutrient absorption happens. That is why Adisyn was loosing weight, and looking malnourished. Because she was.

I called the Ped GI doctors office, and it was a 2 month wait to get her in. There was no way I was going to wait 2 more months to take gluten out of her diet, when I was already semi-familiar with it since we needed to start it with the boys. In fact, it was just the kick-in-the-pants that I needed to take it out of the boys’ diets as well. We noticed a big difference in Adisyn right away. She started gaining weight, her sweet little personality was back, she seemed happier, and she was eating like crazy! The boys’ transition was a little harder. They went through withdrals. Majorly!! It was a really hard week for us, but that just proved to us how addicted to gluten they were. After they had that withdrawl time, they seemed to come out of a fog. They were way more alert, and improved in almost every area! Gluten free was definitely a positive thing for our house.

Then, we went and saw Adi’s GI doctor, and she said that we need to do an endoscopy to confirm the lab results. Since you cannot recover from Celiac, and it is a lifetime diet of eating gluten-free, it is important to have the “offical” diagnosis. They will take a biopsy of her small intestine, and confirm that there is damage to the villi. So, we had to put her back on gluten to do that. We saw immediate changes with that as well. She complains of her tummy hurting almost every day, wakes up at night, has diarrhea, has lost weight, and her tummy is distended. I called the GI doctor last week, and said we had to move up the appointment (it was originally July 13th) or we were going to cancel, because I couldn’t put her through this for (at the time) 3 more weeks. They moved it, and so we go tomorrow, Monday.

It is a pretty basic procedure, under an hour long. She will be under anesthesia, and that makes me a little nervous, since she’s never had that before. But we will be at a Children’s hospital, with all the specialists for pediatrics, so I know she will be in good hands. I need to double check, but I think we can start gluten free right away, so hopefully by the end of the week, she’ll be back to feeling like her ol self again.

In the mean time, the boys and I went and got tested. The boys’ are negative. Now, we don’t know right now if that is because they don’t have Celiac, or because they have been off of gluten for 2 months. The Ped GI doctor said that if their numbers were as high as Adisyn’s they would not be back to normal yet. But since they are gluten free right now, it doesn’t really matter. What it will mean is that if/when we end their GFCF diet, we will get them retested after a month. I, on the other hand, have also tested positive. I have my first GI doctor appointment thursday, and will probably also have an endoscopy scheduled to confirm my results.

I am SO SO SO happy that we found out about this at this time. Celiac disease is a disease that can go undiagnosed for a long time. Some people have symptoms as severe as Adisyn’s, and some people’s symptoms aren’t as evident, like mine. Without Adisyn’s diagnosis, I could have gone years without finding mine. This will be a huge lifestyle change for our family, but I am thankful that it can be fixed with a diet change. As for the boys, the change in their behavior and their growth in all areas of development are definitely worth the effort of eating GFCF. And… they’re much more interested in trying new foods! They still don’t eat a huge variety, but definitely more than they used to, and they are willing to try more too.

So now I’m off, need to get ready for tomorrow so it’s not such a crazy morning.

Adisyn being silly and dressing up Daddy with her hat.

The brothers, Terrence – yellow, Tyrell – blue, enjoying their bubbles, and the beautiful weather as they watch us do yard work.